The Shape of Shadows

by Maiya

Clearly, you are a God who works behind the scenes. Isaiah 45:15

Autumn days are like viewing an ever-changing kaleidoscope.

Turn this way, and witness color fade;

turn that way, and see color intensify.

Turn any which way to view the "autumn glow" made by the longer, weaker rays of the sun in the sky.

And turn everywhere to notice:

shadows are where we didn't see them before.

My solar lights thought they were first to announce it by leaving half the backyard unlit each evening.

But the quiet garden already knew:

the shape of shadows has consequences on energy and life.

And when it comes to our health - our energy and life -

we may turn this way and that way to "assess" ourselves,

but it's not the shape of bodies (roundness, curvature or flatness) that predicts our wellness.

And we may turn this way and that way, looking to appease others or avoid judgment,

but it's not external approval that proves we are "well."

It's about knowing the shape of our shadows.

Shadows predict the shape we're in.

God, Creator of the heavens - maker of earth - He didn't go to all that trouble

to just leave it empty, nothing in it. He made it to be lived in. Isaiah 45:18

We, too, are made to be fully lived-in and loved-in,

in both the revealed and the hidden, in both form and shadow.

The "shadow," coined by psychologist Carl Jung, is the unconscious mind

and differs from the ego, or conscious part of us.

We often think of the shadow as the dim part of us: our hidden fears, doubts, wounds and insecurities.

But the shadow also holds our highest good, accumulated knowledge, and potential.

Shadows are part of who we are.

Most of the time, we tend to hide and deny our shadow.

Maybe we feel too embarrassed or ashamed to relay an insecurity or wound:

"What would they say if they knew?"

Or maybe we feel too awkward or hesitant to speak out against an injustice, or to stand up

for something we value.

"What would they think about me?"

Turning this way, we try to hide our shadow from ourselves and others.

But surprise:

the shadow looms larger, startling or confusing us (or someone else)

in the form of a strong emotional and/or behavioral response.

Turning that way, we try to hide from certain triggers (activating events or conditions).

But surprise:

triggers may be found anywhere and depend on our own interpretation.

Shadows still find us even when we don't seek them.

Avoiding our shadow only makes us more fearful of it.

Thomas Keating, a Trappist priest known for his work with contemplation

and centering prayer, recognized his own ego and shadow during his seasons of quiet reflection.

We can see our shadow when we choose to be still.

And importantly, he noticed that the shadow drives our search for happiness in adult life.

In fact, the acceptance and integration of our shadow is essential to be a fully developed human.

The shape of our shadow has consequences on our energy and life.

Keating warned, "People can grow up intellectually, physically, and even spiritually

while their emotional lives remain fixed at the level of the perceived deprivation, because

they have been unable to integrate their emotions (shadow) with other values of their developing selves."

And knowing the shape of our shadow is essential to decrease harm.

"People who do not take responsibility for their emotions project their painful emotions onto other people."

Or onto themselves.

Or onto anything within reach: food, body, life, and relationships.

How do we begin to integrate our shadow to become whole?

Turning toward love is always a trustworthy choice.

Love means nonjudgment, and to get started, we may need practice singing to ourselves

the song, "Perfectly Loved" by Rachael Lampa and Toby Mac:

You're not a problem,

You're not a mistake

Don't need fixing or solving

In the arms of His grace;

You're perfectly human

Made from the dust

You've got a heart, broken and scarred, yet perfectly loved...

Lovingly, we can notice our self-talk and engage in self-enquiry.

What are our likes and dislikes? Which traits do we like or dislike in others and in ourselves?

Lovingly, we can examine our patterns, habits and relationships.

When do we notice angst outside of us or inside us, and what might be happening?

Lovingly, we can seek to care for our whole selves.

What can help us to support the care of our physical, emotional and spiritual needs for integration?

Turning toward Love is a trustworthy choice.

Sitting daily in the space of Love is healing. And Keating doesn't mince words:

"The conscious resolution to change our values and behavior is not enough to alter the unconscious value systems (of the ego and shadow) and the behavior(s) they engender.

Only the passive purifications of contemplative prayer can effect this profound healing.

Only then will the reservoir of interior silence, built up in periods of contemplative prayer, never run dry."

Sitting quietly in the space of Love is enlightening.

Just as we don't peer into a mirror in a dark room and expect to view a clear image,

we can't force a spotlight on a shadow and demand immediate revelation.

Sitting quietly, we may see our dim times differently under a protective shadow:

How precious is your lovingkindness, O God!

Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of your wings. Psalm 37:7

We can practice taking turns in trust.

Practicing vulnerability with God and with trusted sources or methods of self-expression

can help the slow-release of stored feelings as well as the gentle-uptake of paced feedback.

Because our shadow has things to reveal to us about wants, needs and values.

And in taking turns, we may hear or read Jesus's urging to our heart: "Repent."

But before quickly turning away, dreading a task list of penances,

we can turn our ear toward the Trusted One.

Repent, after all, simply means to turn, to change our direction.

Turning this way, we can fall into God's comfort and forgiveness.

Turning that way, we can be fortified with strength and find guidance from God's Word.

Because our continued turning is not about spinning in vain.

Maybe it's re-minding ourselves in the midst of all of life's distractions to hear The Voice:

"Re-Turn to Me, and I will return to you." Zech 1:3

We can expect that turning into Love will be life-long.

Keating, again:

"The work of following Christ is like working with a psychotherapist who has a clear insight into us.

With incredible accuracy, God puts his finger on exactly the spot that needs attention at this precise time

in our spiritual growth. If we are hanging on to one last shred of possessiveness, he comes along and says, often through some person or event, "Won't you give this to me?"

By accepting our shadow as a part of what makes us human, we can acknowledge

both our distress and our desire for divinity.

Turning to the cross, we notice the intersection of our distress and His Divinity.

"Those who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I trust." Psalm 91

It's safe to turn inward, to enter into the shape of our shadow under the shadow of our Creator.

Turning this way and turning that way, we begin to see our shadow more clearly.

Up close, it's starting to come into view.

Could it be...

the shape of Perfect Love in us?

Book source:

Invitation to Love: The Way of Christian Contemplation, Thomas Keating @1992 St. Benedict's Monastery

Song source: Perfectly Loved by Rachael Lampa and TOBYMAC: see Official Lyric Video